She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
