No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
