oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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