the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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