I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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