Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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