ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
