Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize