toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
