i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
