i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
