Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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