Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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