my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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