My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
