She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
