What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
