Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
