ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What a dumb baby whore.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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