my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize