I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
