I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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