Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
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I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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