Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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