yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
