My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
