On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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