allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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