when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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