you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you didnt know i had herpes?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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