it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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