Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
