At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
