I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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