Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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