I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
