Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
