bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
