we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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