i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
