I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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