alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
