What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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