she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
