i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
