That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
