Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
