Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
