I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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