please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
