Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
