can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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