thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm like, not good at living.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
