her vagine was all disorganized.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
