And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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