One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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