u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
