I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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