He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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