The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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