3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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