that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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