Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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