I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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