Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sorry about my life...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
