there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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