Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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