i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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